I think I just saw someone hide a body.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
