I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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