I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
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