I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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