Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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