Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
