My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
