Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
