I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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