Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
