We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
