i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
