Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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