My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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