This is not my ceiling
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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