i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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