Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize