Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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