just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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