im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
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