Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
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There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
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Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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