I think my vagina is haunted
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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