Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
