fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
