I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
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