I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
