She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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