so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
