I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
