yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
