it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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