Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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