Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
