I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
