You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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