Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
