So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
