just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
