I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
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I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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