i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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