PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
