i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
