you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
