worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
