so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
