My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
