She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
