i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
