I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
