I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
