this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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