so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
the day after is always just damage control
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
