i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
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