Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
