If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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