Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
