He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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