oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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