And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize