just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
