sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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