No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
