I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
