whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
