He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
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God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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