My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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