Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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