I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
