Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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