I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
