i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head