Texts From Last Night

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  (212): View more from New York

  btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up

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  (212): btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up http://tfl.nu/jzw8
  Replies (30) Good night (1011) Bad night (4741) Order T-Shirt
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.

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  (443): Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check. http://tfl.nu/gtrd
  Replies (35) Good night (4607) Bad night (588) Order T-Shirt
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  (407): View more from Florida

  I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.

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  (407): I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up. http://tfl.nu/laen
  Replies (13) Good night (3382) Bad night (754) Order T-Shirt
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  (716): View more from New York

  honey bunches of taint.

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  (716): honey bunches of taint. http://tfl.nu/msqz
  Replies (11) Good night (913) Bad night (2594) Order T-Shirt
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  (972): View more from Texas

  Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.

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  (972): Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food. http://tfl.nu/9e1d
  Replies (13) Good night (1125) Bad night (2998) Order T-Shirt
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.

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  (609): I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad. http://tfl.nu/4fga
  Replies (11) Good night (3099) Bad night (1888) Order T-Shirt
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.

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  (563): She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me. http://tfl.nu/so2a
  Replies (35) Good night (7479) Bad night (1226) Order T-Shirt
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.

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  (540): About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience. http://tfl.nu/yfor
  Replies (6) Good night (1457) Bad night (922) Order T-Shirt
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?

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  (717): Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast? http://tfl.nu/62uv
  Replies (14) Good night (1548) Bad night (613) Order T-Shirt
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  (305): View more from Florida

  My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?

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  (305): My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become? http://tfl.nu/9kst
  Replies (2) Good night (886) Bad night (343) Order T-Shirt
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth

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  (405): Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth http://tfl.nu/55g6
  Replies (0) Good night (772) Bad night (439) Order T-Shirt
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  (817): View more from Texas

  Post-sex nachos deserve a song.

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  (817): Post-sex nachos deserve a song. http://tfl.nu/enl8
  Replies (8) Good night (1149) Bad night (286) Order T-Shirt
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  (585): View more from New York

  I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.

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  (585): I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING. http://tfl.nu/4rg4
  Replies (14) Good night (1281) Bad night (294) Order T-Shirt
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them

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  (608): just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them http://tfl.nu/tyvr
  Replies (3) Good night (618) Bad night (239) Order T-Shirt
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  Thank you for caring about my cervix.

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  (616): Thank you for caring about my cervix. http://tfl.nu/akl3
  Replies (1) Good night (381) Bad night (79) Order T-Shirt

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