I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
