Can i not drive my cunt home
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize