Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
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i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor