And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much