I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
