We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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